Why should you plan an inclusive wedding? One of the best parts about planning an inclusive wedding is that you can throw out all the traditions that you don’t want to do. Additionally, you’ll be making sure that everyone you’ve invited to your wedding feels welcomed, valued and comfortable.

Here’s a list of 5 things you can do to plan and have an inclusive wedding.

1. Hire inclusive vendors.

The easiest way to figure out what vendors are inclusive is looking at their social media and website. Are they showcasing LGBTQ+ couples, BIPOC couples, and couples of all body types? When looking at their website are they using inclusive language instead of the terms “bride, groom or bridal party”?

Diving even deeper, choose vendors that use inclusive language on their inquiry forms and contracts. Do they ask for your pronouns on their inquiry form? Does their contract use gender neutral language throughout and avoid the terms “bride + groom”.

If you’re looking for recommendations for inclusive wedding vendors, I’m more than happy to help!

2. Use inclusive language.

This is a big one that starts right at the beginning of your planning and can be carried out throughout your planning process and wedding day. There are a few different things you can do to use inclusive language.

• When you ask your friends and family to be in your wedding party, you can use a gender neutral term such a attendants, or make up a fun term for your people instead of using bridesmaid/groomsman. I love when couples use terms like, team, VIPs or group – which can be followed by your last name, your first name, or something else. I would stay away from using the term tribe. For yourself, if you don’t love the terms bride and groom, use something else! Some examples of alternatives are marrier, partner, spouse, broom, or make up your own! Have everyone (including vendors) be aware of the terms you are going with and have everyone use it.

3. Discard and reimagine gender traditions.

There are some wedding traditions that seem deep rooted, but they don’t have to be for you. Your wedding day is about you and your partner, everything else is up to you on what you want to do or what you don’t want to do.

• Starting with the pre-wedding events, there are a lot of gendered activities that don’t have to be gendered. Make them inclusive by having a couples shower instead of a bridal shower, have a joined bach party or keep them separate by saying your bach party and your partners bach party. Making everyone feel included in these activities not only creates stronger connections and friendship within your wedding party, but also gives a feeling that they belong.

• For your ceremony, you have a ton of options for walking down the aisle. You can have both of your parents walk you down, one parent, a non-parent, a step-parent or no one at all. You don’t have to make it “the dad giving the bride away” and can completely skip that part of the ceremony with the officiant too! That’s not all the options, you can walk down the aisle with your partner, meet them half way down, or if you have the option you can walk down at the same time. Do whatever feels best for you. Same goes with your wedding party, don’t feel like you have to “pair” them up, they can walk down individually, paired or in a group. Pairing them with someone they don’t know can make them feel uncomfortable, and still plays into gender traditions.

• A very common and easy thing to do is having a sign at the ceremony along the lines of “choose a seat, not a side”. That way guests don’t have to choose a side and can sit wherever they wish, regardless of which side they may be closer to. Celebrating togetherness and your two families coming together to celebrate you both as a couple is what the day is all about.

• For your reception, specifically for formal dances, you don’t have to keep to gender norms of dancing with your opposite sex parent. You can dance with whichever parent you like, or even both! You can dance with a step-parent, sibling or a grandparent. You can dance with whoever you’re close to or skip it all together.

• Keeping going with your reception, there are quite a few other gendered traditions, such as the bouquet or garter toss. Anyone can participate in these traditions, or if it’s not your thing – skip it! No one is going to be upset if you just have an awesome dance party.

4. Inclusive attire for your wedding party and guests.

Your wedding party doesn’t have to be dresses on one side and tuxes on the other. Ask your wedding party members what they would prefer to wear and let them choose an outfit they feel comfortable in. Give them guidelines as far as the general color and style, but don’t force someone to wear a dress/tux that wouldn’t feel comfortable in one. Most wedding designers offer different styles in the same color/color family, so you can easily give them a color name to look up online and pick whatever style fits them the best. This also applies to you as a couple too! You don’t have to wear a dress or tux at your wedding to feel like a “bride or groom” wear what you feel confident, beautiful and comfortable in.

Same goes for your guests, make them aware that you don’t want attire to be casual, but for them to wear what they feel comfortable in.

5. Don’t forget your guests!

Making your wedding day inclusive doesn’t stop at your wedding party and how you walk down the aisle. Your guests and their experience is equally as important! Here are a few things you can do to be inclusive to your guests:

• Make your wedding more accessible and inclusive for all your guests. Be mindful of seating with spacing, location and wheelchair accessibility to accommodate all body types, the needs of elderly and handicapped guests. Just because your venue says it can fit 200 guests, doesn’t mean it’s going to fit 200 guests comfortably. Ask about spacing between tables and where alternative seating locations can be located at the venue. If there are stairs in the venue, is there an elevator guests can use as an alternative. Look to hire an interpreter at your ceremony for those who are hearing impaired or don’t speak the language your ceremony is in. You invited them to enjoy your wedding day, make sure they feel comfortable and feel included throughout the whole day!

• Have options for alternative activities and entertainment. Not all your guests want to rock it out on the dance floor – and that’s totally okay! Give your guests some options to still be able to enjoy your reception. Some ideas are having lawn/board games, a seating area away from the dance floor for conversation, a photobooth, or something a little more unique like a mobile tattoo artist or tarot card reading.

• Make wedding gifts optional. Some guests might not have the money for gifts, or you just don’t need another set of dishes. If your guests really want to get you something, you can can have them donate to one of your favorite charities, set up a honeymoon fund, or a fund for a wedding album from your photographer.

• Offer options for guests who don’t drink by having non-alcoholic drink options and have sparkling juice available for toasts. If you are having an open bar, supply vouchers for free Uber rides or have a shuttle from the main hotel pick up guests at the venue. Make sure your guests are safe at your wedding and afterwards– these are important people to you!

• Give GOOD options for dietary restrictions. When your looking for a caterer request a vegetarian meal as part of your tasting, to make sure it tastes good. Also ask the caterer if they can accommodate specific diet restrictions that your guests have. If you’re having a plated meal, make sure there is an option on your RSVP card for a vegetarian meal or asking for specific dietary restrictions. For buffet style dinners, have the ingredient list available and displayed around the buffet line for guests.